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Dead Milkmen - Stuart Lyrics

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  • you know what stuart? i like you.
  • you're not like the other people here in the trailer park.
  • oh no, don't get me wrong, they're fine people, good americans.
  • but they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little mork and mindy on channel 57.
  • maybe kick back a cool coors 16-ouncer.
  • they're good, fine people stuart.
  • but they don't know what the queers are doing to the soil.
  • you know that johnny werzner kid-
  • the kid who delivers papers in the neighborhood?
  • he's a fine kid.
  • some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but i don't believe it.
  • anyway, for his 10th birthday all he wanted was a burrow owl,
  • just like his old man.
  • "dad, get me a burrow owl. i'll never ask for anything else as long as i live."
  • so the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
  • anyway at 10:30 the other night i go out into my yard
  • and there's the werzner kid looking up in the tree.
  • i said "what are you looking for."
  • he said "i'm looking for my burrow owl."
  • i say "jumping jesus on a pogo stick.
  • everybody knows that a burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground.
  • why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?"
  • now stuart, do you think a kid like that is going to know
  • what the queers are doing to the soil?
  • i first became aware of this about 10 years ago,
  • the summer my oldest boy bill jr. died.
  • you know that carnival that comes to town every year?
  • well this year it came with a ride called the mixer.
  • the man said "keep your head and arms inside the mixer at all times."
  • but bill jr., he was a daredevil, just like his old man.
  • he was leaning out saying "hey everbody, look at me, look at me"
  • pow! he was decapitated.
  • they found his head over by the snowcone concession
  • a few days after that, i opened up the mail and there's a pamphlet in there,
  • from pueblo, colorado. and it's addressed to bill jr.
  • and it's entitled, "do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?"
  • now stuart, if you look at the soil around any large u.s. city
  • with a large homosexual population- des moines, iowa, perfect example.
  • look at the soil around des moines, stuart.
  • you can't build on it, you can't grow anything in it.
  • the government says it's due to poor farming.
  • but i know what's really going on, stuart.
  • i know it's the queers.
  • they're in it with the aliens.
  • they're building landing strips for gay martians.
  • i swear to god.
  • you know what stuart? i like you.
  • you're not like the other people, here in the trailer park.

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