Gracie Fields - The Biggest Aspidistra In The World Lyrics
For years we had an aspidistra in a flower potOn the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'allIt didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother JoeHad a notion that he'd make it strong and tallSo he's crossed it with an acorn from an oak treeAnd he's planted it against the garden wallIt shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly reached the skyIt's the biggest aspidistra in the worldWe couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' highIt's the biggest aspidistra in the worldWhen father's had a snoot full at his pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes'He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapesNo, you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apesOff the biggest aspidistra in the worldWe have to get it watered by the local fire brigadeSo they put the water rates up half a crownThe roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanesAnd they came up half a mile outside the townOnce we hired an auditorium for a hot houseBut a jealous rival went and burnt it downThe tom cats and their sweethearts love to spend their evenings outUp the biggest aspidistra in the worldThey all begin meowing when the buds begin to sproutFrom the biggest aspidistra in the worldThe dogs all come around for miles, a lovely sight to seeThey sniff around for hours and hours and wag their tails with gleeSo I've had to put a notice up to say it's not a treeIt's the biggest aspidistra in the world
