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Gracie Fields - The Biggest Aspidistra In The World Lyrics

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  • For years we had an aspidistra in a flower pot
  • On the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'all
  • It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother Joe
  • Had a notion that he'd make it strong and tall
  • So he's crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree
  • And he's planted it against the garden wall
  • It shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly reached the sky
  • It's the biggest aspidistra in the world
  • We couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' high
  • It's the biggest aspidistra in the world
  • When father's had a snoot full at his pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes'
  • He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes
  • No, you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apes
  • Off the biggest aspidistra in the world
  • We have to get it watered by the local fire brigade
  • So they put the water rates up half a crown
  • The roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanes
  • And they came up half a mile outside the town
  • Once we hired an auditorium for a hot house
  • But a jealous rival went and burnt it down
  • The tom cats and their sweethearts love to spend their evenings out
  • Up the biggest aspidistra in the world
  • They all begin meowing when the buds begin to sprout
  • From the biggest aspidistra in the world
  • The dogs all come around for miles, a lovely sight to see
  • They sniff around for hours and hours and wag their tails with glee
  • So I've had to put a notice up to say it's not a tree
  • It's the biggest aspidistra in the world

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