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Image Spitting - I've Never Met A Nice South African Lyrics

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  • I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru,
  • I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu,
  • I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal,
  • And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall,
  • I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner -
  • But I've never met a nice South African!
  • No he's never met a nice South African,
  • And that's not bloody surprising man!
  • 'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards,
  • Who hate black people!
  • I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait,
  • I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late,
  • I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool,
  • I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school,
  • I've met a normal merman, and a fairly modest German -
  • But I've never met a nice South African!
  • No he's never met a nice South African,
  • And that's not bloody surprising man!
  • 'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers,
  • Who smell like baboons.
  • I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind,
  • That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind,
  • I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings,
  • I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings,
  • I've seen a flying pig, in a quite convincing wig,
  • But I've never met a nice South African!
  • No he's never met a nice South African,
  • And that's not bloody surprising man!
  • 'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths,
  • With no sense of humour.
  • I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire,
  • At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire,
  • I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies,
  • I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies,
  • I've had a nice pot noodle, but I've never had a poodle -
  • And I've never met a nice South African.
  • No he's never met a nice South African,
  • And that's not bloody surprising man,
  • Because we've never met one either!
  • Except for Breyten Breytenbach, and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)
  • Yes he's quite a nice South African,
  • And he's hardly ever killed anyone,
  • And he's not smelly at all.
  • That's why we put him prison!

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