Schaffer the Darklord - The Opener Lyrics
VERSE 1Check, check, check, checkCash, Credit, Debit get it?Aw forget it, hold up, give me a second - Check it!Mr. Soundguy in the booth, hey what's up?Please put your fingers on those faders push 'em all the way upSo I can holler at all of these peopleSo I can welcome 'em as they are enterin'So I can let them all know what they're getting inMaybe I'll yell at them "Ladies, and Gentleman!I have every intention of giving your disbelief suspensionOnly requesting several seconds worth of your precious attention."So I can..Hit the stage and warm it up it's so coldHere we go, so you thought you might like to go to the show?Let's have us a laugh now lift up your glassAnd here's to what's hoping - at last!I'd like to introduce you all to your opening act! (yeah)CHORUSOpen up your eyesOpen up your mindOpen up your heartOpen up your handsOpen up all rightOpen up your armsOpen up your walletOpen up your mouthThe opener has come to open up tonightVERSE 2Last name Darklord, first name SchafferBut everybody's always misspelling that shit when they're listing it up in the paperAND if you can not remember that than you can just as easily be calling me S to the T to the goddamn DI come from NYC, specifically from QueensAlways rock a suit on stage, never tees and jeansI have released these CDs on which I've talked of my diseaseIf you get nerds hot nightly, well then you're A Lot Like MeSee I'm an oddity, an oddball, an anomalyAnd I got all of my skills from my history of musical theater and heavy metal and comedyAll of these rotten kids calling me labels that I've been unable to keep falling on to meHonestly, I've managed to amass a modestly sized following - Follow me!We're gonna go on an adventure, we're all in this togetherNow ready or not, Here comes the heavy weatherSo all aboard, but just you be warned if we're delayed I'm to blameCuz guess what?! I'm still the sickest passenger on this train! (yeah)CHORUSOpen up your eyesOpen up your mindOpen up your heartOpen up your handsOpen up all rightOpen up your armsOpen up your walletOpen up your mouthThe opener has come to open up tonightVERSE 3Everyone's waiting to see what will happen"Now who is this stranger that's rappin'?" You're askin'My fans have been naggin' "When you comin' back?"While I'm in the lab and still tracking this actionAnd if you downloaded this record for freeThen good for lucky youAnd if you've already memorized all of the wordsWhoopty-*****ing-doo, dudeNah, I'm humbled and honored and grateful and all of the rest you'd expectBut I am so old and so cranky at times it is so hard to hide my contemptPlease don't take it personally, if I am curt with thee, if I should scarily snap backIn my defense, I already warned you all I'm a Very Bad ManAnd I've had struggles with drugs and lots of weird issues with sex, it's trueJust ask my therapist and my army of exes tooCallus with my family, a jackass to my friendsBut I'll never change, I'll never apologize, and I'll never attempt make amends (Now back to the show!)So now that I have been released from my cageI'll page your headliner, show them to the place upstageAs I rap and I point and I sweat and I spit and I swear and I kill and I shoutThen drop my mic, light my piano on fire, and bounce I'm out (Yeah)CHORUSOpen up your eyesOpen up your mindOpen up your heartOpen up your handsOpen up all rightOpen up your armsOpen up your walletOpen up your mouthThe opener has come to open up tonight(REPEAT CHORUS)YEAH!UNH!
