Bloodhound Gang - This Is Stupid Lyrics
I was lonelier than kunta kinte at a merle haggard concertThat night i strolled on into uncle limpy's hump palace lookin' for love.It had been a while.In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and wentSince that midnight run haulin' hog to shakey town on i-10.I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallonsThrough a pair of daisy duke cut-offs and one of those fruit of the loom tank-tops.Well, that night i lost myself to ruby red lips,Milky white skin and baby blue eyes.Name was russell.Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Well i find it's quite a thrillWhen she grinds me against her willYes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",This pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my ballsLike hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.Said her name was bambi and i said, "well that's a coincidence darlin',¡®cause i was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a jack-o-lantern,And i went on to tell her how i would wear her face like a maskAs i do my little kooky dance.And then she told me to shush.I guess she could sense my desperation.¡®course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like minnie pearl.Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Well i find it's quite a thrillWhen she grinds me against her willYes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'So, bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.So i says, "even this one i have where jesus christIs jackhammering mickey mouse in the doo-doo holeWith a lawn dart as garth brooks gives birth to somethingResembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on santa claus's tummy-tum?"Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars laterI'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what i mean.Got to nail her back at her trailer.Heh. that rhymes.I have to admit it was even more of a turn-onWhen i found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Well i find it's quite a thrillWhen she grinds me against her willYes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Day or so had passed when i popped the clutch,Gave the tranny a spin and slid on intoThe stinky pinky gulp n' guzzle big rig snooze-a-stop.There i was browsin' through the latest issue of "throb",When i saw bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.Well, my heart just dropped.So, i decided to do what any good christian would.You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juiceAnd polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-fiveIn an eighteen-wheeler.I never thought missing children could be so sexy.Did i say that out loud?Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'Well i find it's quite a thrillWhen she grinds me against her willYes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
