Fred Small - If I Were A Moose Lyrics
If I were a moose and you were a cowWould you love me anyhow?Would you introduce me to your folksWould you tell your friends "No moose jokes!"If I were a moose and you were a cow.Would you invite me to your clubAnd risk a cruel bovine snubWould you lead me down the receiving lineAnd boldly boast "This moose is mine!"Would your parents watch us grazeShake their heads, "It's just a phase"Or would they thank the stars aboveTheir precious heifer's found her love?Would your grandparents change their will?They'd really expected a Holstein bull"For this we toiled before the plow --You bring home someone who's not even a cow.There's lot's of proper stock aroundLike that nice young Guernsey at Farmer Brown'sOr that last one we ridiculed and cursedOn second thought you could do worse.But if you think this thing will lastCould he learn to moo and eat our grassShed his antlers in the dirtCould you persuade him to convert?"If our anatomies did not quite fitWould you make the best of itWould you nuzzle up so nearAnd hum sweet cow tunes in my ear?Or would you sadly break it offWhen all the hillside sneered and scoffed"You know those moose are all the sameThey're lazy, they're stupid, they come from Maine."It's true things slip a moose's mindThat cows remember all the timeBulbous nose and knobby kneesA coat that harbors ticks and fleasBut a moose can be a handy thingWhen hungry wolves come visitingIn icy gust of winter stormOur fur is deep and dry and warm.And someday should your milk run dryAnd farmer stare with baleful eyeIn dead of night I'd slip your nooseAnd lead you home to the land of mooseIf I were a moose and you were a cow.If hunters came to do me harmWould you hide me in the barnWould all the herd come on the runAnd glare until they dropped their guns?Might you permit a goodnight kissCould you learn to love wet moose lips?If I were a moose and you were a cowIf you were a cow and I were a moose
