Tim Minchin - Ten Foot ***** And A Few Hundred Virgins Lyrics
So you're gonna live in paradiseWith a ten-foot ***** and a few hundred virginsSo you're gonna live in paradiseWith a ten-foot ***** and a few hundred virginsSo you're gonna sacrifice your lifeFor a ride on a UFOAnd when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvationYou're gonna be the first to knowAnd so ifGod was there from the very beginningHe invented men and womenThen He also invented wankingThen He said wanking was sinningSo now if I'm feeling randyI'm not allowed a hand shandyBut having sex with my familyThat is just *****ing greatIt's all there in Ezekiel 8Just before he opens up His big pearly gatesAnd says that it's a sinTo take it up the dateEven if it's greatEven with your cowboy mateSo you're gonna live in paradiseWith a ten-foot ***** and a few hundred virginsSo you're gonna sacrifice your lifeFor a shot at the greener grassAnd when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgementHe's gonna kick my heathen assSo if youCover the bodies of your womenEverybody is grinnin'Because black is so slimmin'Though it's not great for swimmin'But it gives you an erectionWith the increased sexual tensionWhat with the UV protectionThat is second to noneYou'll find it all in the KoranJust next to the bit that justifies gunsAnd says that it's a sinTo take it up the bumEven if it's funEven with permission from your mumSo you're gonna live in paradiseWith a ten-foot ***** and a few hundred virginsSo you're gonna sacrifice your lifeFor a shot at eternityAnd when the Lord comes down and I haven't done my penanceHe's gonna disembowel meYou say thatIf IStumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmakerThat a muffin presupposes a bakerSo we must agree sooner or laterThat this proves there's a creatorSo if I put my foot in a stinkerYou'd assume the existence of a sphincterThus you don't need to be a great thinkerTo conclude that God's a bumWhich negates the words of Genesis 1Which make him out to be so much funUntil Adam succumbedTo temptationAnd then his only sonGot nailed to a gumOr the Middle Eastern equivalentWhich suggest that God's omniscienceIs nullified by his ambivalenceUnless it turns out that he's impotentAnd if God can't get a bonerI guess that explains the plethoraOf huge erections in His honourCos we all know a steeple is just a subconscious, compensatory manifestation of a huge, stiff penisAnd still He tell us that it's heinousTo stick a penis up your anusEven if you're famousEven if you're good at... tennisSo you're gonna live in paradiseWith a ten-foot ***** and a few hundred virginsSo you're gonna sacrifice your lifeFor a ride on a UFOAnd when the Lord comes down with his big, stiff, slippery rod of judgementI'm gonna be the first to goHe's gonna send me down belowHe's gonna whip me like a hoD'ya really think so?I'm gonna be the first to go
