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Half Man Half Biscuit - Surging Out Of Convalescence Lyrics

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  • Darts in soap operas, oh, so wrong, oh so wrong
  • No-one’s scoring and there’s too much chat between each throw
  • Worse than this though is when cheers are raised for the bull
  • Granted, bull’s a double and an out, but I know that they don’t
  • Know, therefore
  • I propose
  • No Soap Darts
  • Is your child hyperactive, or is he perhaps a twat?
  • Sometimes I like to watch Wave Rage down on Fistral Beach
  • Last Ash Wednesday I had tantric sex and it was shit
  • Next Ash Wednesday I might strive to lick my elbow
  • Strive in vain
  • For they say
  • Few succeed
  • I wrote to the Horse & Hounds
  • To gloat over what I’d done
  • I stored their magazine in a data retrieval system
  • Let’s face it, what’re they going to do?
  • It’s not as if they know where I live
  • And anyway I cut that caper back in 1984
  • Heartbroken matrons
  • On joyless beds
  • For those whose souls the iron has entered
  • And if I get to Heaven’s gate
  • I’ll doubtless have to wait
  • While St Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk
  • The inside of a Halex Three-Star table-tennis ball
  • Smells much like you’d expect it to

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