Ray Stevens - The Camping Trip Lyrics
Last summer I thought for a little diversion, I'd takeMy family on a camping excursion –We were tired of vacations with air conditioned roomsAnd such.(Swimming pools, room service)I thought two weeks way back in the woods would do usAll a whole world of good –Especially the kids, they don't appreciate nature much.(Rather watch a TV, eat a twinkie)Well, my wife wasn't sure but I said "Look here, Honey,We'll have a lot of fun and save a lot of money."Now right there's where I made my first mistake,Friends.(I figured a tent, a few cans of beans, marshmallows,What could it cost?)But with the sleeping bags, & the hiking shoes and allThe other paraphernalia that you use –It came to $6, 947.22!(But like the man said, you can use it all again)Well, we packed the new Land Rover with the maximumLoad, and drove till we run plum out of road –And then backpacked six hours straight up a steepIncline.(Briars & brambles & *****leburrs)Then we saw the perfect site – there were trees on theLeft and a creek on the right – of a clearing to pitchThe tent, just what we had in mind.(Eat your heart out, Field & Stream)Now pitching the tent took four hours or so, and byThen the sun was sinking low –And the kids were whining and crying for something toEat.(Where upon my wife says "Where's the restroom?" I toldHer and she grinned and says "Yeah, now where is itReally?")So we broke out the soda crackers & sardines, theVienna sausages and the pork & beans, and sat aroundThe fire to enjoy a well earned treat.(Mmm good, none of that citified junk food for us)(Kinda reminds me of wild hickory nuts! )Let's all go camping, you'll never have it so good.It's great getting back to Nature, out here in theWoodsAmongst the birds and the bees, & the flowers and theTrees,Where the animals are our friends -Once you get hooked on camping, you'll never like theCity againWell, we just weren't ready for what happened then –When sparks from the campfire carried by the wind set aPile of leaves and two $89.95 sleeping bags aflame!(Little Elmer was going for the marshmallows, thoughtIt was part of the deal)It spread from the bags and the leaves to the trees,Raging out of control and fanned by the breeze –I thought all was lost and then thank God it started toRain.(I don't mean showers, friends, we're talking bare 'emUp Noah one whole time)Well the fire was out, and we huddled in the tent, whoaSlapped out from the day's events – Floating on our airMattresses in mud, ankle deep.(Where upon my wife says, "I really need to know now,Where is the restroom?")When it finally stopped raining it was cold and late,But those mysterious noises kept us awake –And we all knew we'd be mauled or axe murdered in ourSleep.(At this point I knew the ghost stories earlier hadBeen a bad idea)I was dozing off, just about to dream about a HolidayInn, when a blood curdling scream – Announced thePresence of something in the tent covered with hair!(That's when I said, "Leap up there, son, and light theColeman, I think there's something in here with us.")We lit the lantern and there he was, a little beadyEyed fuzzy, looking at us –And we chased him out of the tent and ran head on intoA BEAR!(He'd just finished off the groceries and was frothingAt the mouth, we ain't talking no Gentle Ben here,Friends)He reared back on his haunches and he let out a growl,And we all turned white and let out a howl and wentTearing through the woods in hysterics without aFlashlight or a lamp!(It's amazing what adrenaline will do, I mean I was aTrack star in High School, but my chubby little wifeJust flatfooted past me with a child under each armLike I was taking a Sunday stroll, yelling "Never mindThe restroom!")Well, somehow we all made it to the car, and I had toCrank it with a quick hot wire –Cause I'd left the keys in my backpack, back at theCamp.(Along with my shoes, wallet, my Rolex, $6947.22 worthOf camping equipment)We went flying down that dark & muddy trail, slippingAnd a sliding like a bat outta hell-Till we drove through a stream that we'd crossed on ourWay in.(Lord knows how we missed all those trees at 90 milesPer hour - sideways)Now the rain made it deeper than it was before, theWater started pouring in around the doors and we had toSwim for the shore – never saw that Land Rover again.(Just floated off, last I saw was the taillights goingOver the falls – State Farm's ain't never gonna believeThis)Well, we finally stumbled into civilization – called aFriend of mine from a Texaco station – and he drove outTo pick us up and take us all on home.(Wet, cold, tired and talking to ourselves)They say take only pictures and leave only footprints –Well, we left 8 sleeping bags, 2 Trailmaster tents, aColeman stove, $400 worth of groceries, a Land Rover, aRolex and every stitch of clothing my wife ever owned.(Oh yeah, had to take it all with us, mink coat,Makeup, electric curling iron, "You never know what youMight need", she said)Let's all go camping, you'll never have it so good.It's great getting back to Nature, out here in theWoodsAmongst the birds and the bees, & the flowers and theTrees,Where the animals are our friends -Once you get hooked on camping, you'll never like theCity again
