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Tobuscus - Bonar Smash Lyrics

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I'm so very strong

I'm a very strong man

My work out consists

Of crushing nails with my hand

I must have been conceived

By some kind of a boulder

Like a rock from Stone Henge

Leaned up on the shoulder

Of the rock next to it

And one thing lead to the next

So basically I'm the product

Of two rocks having sex

It's the only explanation

For my formidable pecks

I can crush a brick between them

All I gotta do is flex

I'm built like a robot

Out of rise of the machines

But why? I don't know

The secret lies in my genes

To help me concentrate

I crush a can on my face

And decide the time has come

For me to finally trace

The branches of my family tree

To its trunk in the past

And at last explain

This sweet, stone-chiselled a$$

I surfed the net to find the

Most efficient family tracker

It racks up my relatives

Lumberjacks and linebackers

I go back generations

And hold my breath in suspense

When I see my origin

It all begins to make sense

I finally understand

These genes I'm carrying

Apparently I descended from Bonar

The Barbarian

"Bonar smash!"

He would allegedly say

Before he headbutted

Everything that got in his way

In the greatest of battles

Bonar crushed his opposition

Disfiguring his foes

Beyond any recognition

Once he headbutted a tree

And it set ablaze

Though his eyebrows were singed

He remained unphased

But enraged

So he f**king headbutted the ground

The earth started to shake

And sh*t shifted around

Bonar voiced his opinion

"Maybe that was bad idea"

But the tectonic plates

Already split up Pangaea

A volcano erupted

Covering Bonar in ash

It gone on his clean pants

So he screamed "That's it!"

Bonar smash!

Bonar smash!

Bonar smash!

Bonar smash!

No wonder I'm so strong

It comes from within

It's not my fault

I'm related to a barbarian

With respect I go outside

And smash a tree with my face

And tree bark and flames going

All over the place

But then some of the bark

Instantly turned into ash

And got on my clean pants

So I screamed "That's it!"

Toby smash!

Toby smash!

Toby smash!

Toby smash!

It's like I awakened

Something dormant within

Like the instinctual urge

Of the barbarian

I'm crushing walls and plates

Steel girders and crates

Until this urge abates

But it won't at this rate

'Cause I tipped over a table

With a tray full of ash

It got on my new shoes

So I screamed "That's it!"

Toby smash!

Toby smash!

Toby smash!

Bonar smash!

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