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Hairspray - (The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Lyrics

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  • VELMA
  • Front step
  • Cha cha cha
  • Back step
  • Cha cha cha
  • Side step
  • Front step
  • Back
  • And turn
  • TRACY
  • Oh my God Penny there's Link! Link.
  • I can't believe I'm really here auditioning
  • PENNY
  • I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition
  • VELMA
  • Front step
  • Cha
  • Back step
  • Cha
  • Side step
  • Front step
  • Back
  • And Oh Amber look at this motley crew
  • Oh this town has certainly gone down hill since I was crowned miss
  • AMBER
  • Oh mother no more ancient history
  • VELMA
  • Oh my God how times have changed
  • This girl must be blind or completely deranged
  • But time seemed to halt when I was Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • Amber! That move is far too dirty
  • AMBER
  • Mother wake up from that dream of yours
  • This isn't 1930
  • VELMA
  • You can laugh but life's a test
  • Don't do this don't do that
  • Remember mother knows best
  • And the crown's in the vault
  • From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • AMBER
  • These steps are perfect ammunition
  • VELMA
  • Let me show you how your mommy dear took out the competition
  • Girls go get them
  • Boys let rumba
  • 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
  • Those poor runner-ups might still hold some grudges
  • They padded their cups
  • But I screwed the judges
  • Those broads thought they'd win
  • If a plate they would spin in their dance
  • Ha! Not a chance
  • Boys put me down
  • Oh good morning ladies
  • Let's see what you got
  • ENSEMBLE
  • Twist twist twist twist
  • Mashed potato
  • Mambo
  • VELMA
  • Ready begin
  • On my show you'll never find
  • A thrusting hip or bump and grind
  • AMBER
  • What's that a dance for fleas and ticks
  • VELMA
  • Oh you should have seen my bag of tricks
  • Oh I hit the stage batons ablaze
  • While belting Aida and preparing soufflйs
  • But that triple somersault is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • Proceed
  • LOUANN
  • Are you scared we're on live?
  • TRACY
  • No I'm sure I can cope
  • ENSEMBLE
  • Well this show isn't broadcast in... Cinemascope!
  • VELMA
  • I never drank one chocolate malt
  • No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • AMBER
  • This one will never get a date in those hand me down clothes
  • VELMA
  • Ha! Kid she'll never get a date until daddy buys her a new nose
  • I would say "Oy gevalt!" if I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • AMBER
  • Do you dance like you dress?
  • LINK
  • Amber there's no reason to be cruel
  • VELMA
  • Would you swim in an integrated pool?
  • TRACY
  • I sure would! I'm all for integration
  • It's the new frontier
  • VELMA
  • Not in Baltimore it isn't
  • And may I be frank?
  • First impressions can be tough
  • And when I saw you I knew it
  • If your size weren't enough
  • Your last answer just blew it
  • And so my dear, so short and stout
  • You'll never be in, so we're kicking you out
  • With your form and your face
  • Ah, it isn't your fault
  • You're just down with a case of Miss Baltimore Crabs
  • Ugh you may go
  • TRACY
  • Um, thank you
  • PENNY
  • I think they secretly liked you
  • LIL INEZ
  • May I please audition?
  • VELMA
  • Ha! Of course not... But you may bow and exalt
  • Because I am Miss Baltimore Crabs

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