Adam Sandler - The Goat Song Lyrics
Performed by adam sandler, allen covert, jon rosenburg, and mike thompsonI am a simple goatI live on the back of a pick-up truckThe old man tied me here with a 3-foot ropeAm I happy he dont give a *****Hes filled with anger, and filled with rageAnd tells me I smell like pissHis drink, jimmy beanHis chaser, a bearAfter that, various alcoholsThats when the beatings get so severeAsleep I pray he fallsBut dont feel sorry for meThings werent always this badWhy, when I was a young talking goatThe old man was just like my dadI come from the hills of europeThats where I met the old manHe was lost in the woods, I gave him directionsHe gave me a tuna canThen he stopped in his tracksAnd he said, hey goat!Would you like to live with me?Ive got a house with a pick-up truckIn a place across the seaI said, sure, why not, Ive got no familyYou seem like a nice guySo we went off to americaThe home of the apple pieOn the boat, the old man told meI would be a present for his wifeA talking goat! he exclaimed,Shed never seen this in her lifeI felt so special!Well, I just couldnt believe itAfter all theses years I finally had a friendHe trimmed my beardHe scraped my hoovesI prayed it would never endBut when we got to his houseThere was no wifeOnly a short, short letterIt said: Im leaving you for your broherBecause he *****s me betterHis eyes filled with tears of sadnessHis heart was filled with griefTo soothe himself he drank a pint of old granddadAnd beat me like a side of beefI screamed, send me back to the hills of europe!He just shook his head and said, nope!No one will ever leave me againTo make sure, put on this 3-foot *****ing rope.Present day, Ive been on the truck for 51 yearsMy only friend is the am radioSometimes the neighborhood children stop byBut its always rocks and beer bottles they throwAt first theyre excited to see a talking goatThey gather around to hear what I have to sayBut I guess sometimes my stories go ont too longSo they leave and giggle I need a bidetBut you know there was a night that I did get off the truckWhen the old man was passed out drunkThree neightborhood kids took me to a rock n roll concertThe kind of music, old-school funkIt was the first time I got off the truckThe music made me lose controlThe lead singer asked if we were having funI said, *****ing crank that rock n roll!The women at the show were beautifulAs they danced sexily on the soft grassOne of them even petted my fur***** me in the goat-ass!Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the hornsAnd threw me in the mosh pitThey passed me around and treated me nieTill I nerviously sprayed them with shitThen the music stoppedAnd everything was quiteAnd all the rock n rollers started a *****ing goat-riotKill the goat!Kill the goat!Kill the goat!Kill the goat!They chased me under the bleachersThey chased me onto the streetThey chased me into an alleyAnd said I was a dead *****ing goat meatBut then I saw a sightThat I never thought Id seeThe old man swinging his hickory stickBut he wasnt swinging at me***** you, pot-smoking turkeys!Dont you press your luck!The long hairs ran away screamingAs I scrambled onto the truckWhen we got home, the old man said,Goat, you broke the sacred lawNo! please! sorry! shit!Ill let it go this time, but if you leave againIll break your *****ing jaw!Super! great! okay!Thank you old man, for saving my lifeThank you again and againYou could have let them barbeque me,But you acted like a friendIm not your friend, I dont even like youIm just not drunk, he saidTo prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcoholAnd beat the *****ing shit out of my tailboneAnd Ill probably never walk straight againI guess youd call me a scapegoatA punching bag for the old man to mockJust because his wife left himFor his brothers abnormally large *****He could have been my buddyBut instead hes a crazy old *****And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal homeThe back of the pick-up truckGoodnight, old man!Yeah, goodnight goat!
